Yesterday was my brother-in-law’s wedding.  What was supposed to be a happy day started off like an emotional roller coaster. I was supposed to already have my prosthetic leg so I could have walked at the wedding instead of riding in my wheelchair.  With that, I thought well maybe I could take my walker and hop around to mingle with the crowd. 

Well not even 15 minutes into the ride my toes on my right foot start to hurt and kept hurting the entire ride.

I finally get to the destination and looked at my toes. 

They were red like a cherry on the top from the shoes. The shoes were too rough for my toes which have poor circulation in them because of Peripheral Artery Disease (PAD).

So now I can’t hop, which means I have to stay in my wheelchair for the wedding.  

My boyfriend and I go inside the venue where everyone from the wedding is having cocktails and conversing to say congratulations.  \

I looked around and saw that the venue was very crowded and did not provide much open area for a wheelchair. 

My boyfriend at this time walked away to find his mother.

I notice that everyone is standing up in groups talking to each other while I am all the way down near their knees in my wheelchair. 

It is like I don’t exist.

Noone is including me in the conversation. 

I feel excluded because I can’t stand and converse like everyone else. 

I can feel my emotions beginning to take over so I start to look for the bathroom. 

I need to be alone and also pee real bad. 

I asked a few people where I could find the bathroom and finally someone said in the back. 

To the back of the venue I headed looking for the bathroom while fighting my way by the groups of people talking. 

While heading to the back I had two people trip over me in my wheelchair.

How do they not see what’s in front of them?

Then I got stuck on something that was laying across the floor and when I tried to roll over it, I almost fell out of my chair. 

The frustrations of not being able to walk are building up more and more. 

The tears are now filling my eyes making it hard to see. 

Not being able to see well and still having to get away from everyone and also pee are not a great combo.  I

end up bumping my wheelchair into something expensive. 

Thankfully, I was able to catch it and settle it back into place unharmed. 

Finally, I get to the back of the venue with my eyes so full of tears that the first drop has formed and is ready to fall. 

I still can’t see the bathroom. 

I see my other brother-in-law talking to a few people so I wheel over quickly with my head down so no one can see my eyes. 

I ask where the bathroom is and he points to the right corner.

Then  without saying anything else and trying to avoid conversation I hurried off in my chair towards the bathroom. 

The tears were pouring down my face at this point. 

I broke down in the bathroom.  I just wanted to go home.  

Being without my leg and not being able to walk is still hard for me at times. 

I miss it all the time 24/7.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t normally let the loss take over me. 

I still enjoy so many things, but I truly miss walking and dancing.

That’s why I had a momentary meltdown.

But while I was crying my boyfriend came to find me and I explained to him what was bothering me inside the bathroom. 

I told him I needed a minute and then I would be ready to come back out. 

He stayed with me until I was ready to mingle again. 

We headed out together and enjoyed the rest of the night. 

Sometimes I have moments like this and my emotions take over me but I always get control of myself again after some tears. 

I refuse to let my amputation take over my life.

Feel free to subscribe to my blog on the homepage by selecting “Life As A PAD Amputee’ and inserting your email.

Also, submit your own story to help others to thrive!